It is a beautiful thing. The sorrow in your eyes does not spring from self-pity. I pity you, but you do not pity yourself. You love him too much to be caught in the tangles of your own troubles. His troubles are yours.
  The storms of life pour on you as the person you love the most slips away. Not in body, but in mind. He forgets your name, forgets you. It is then that the patience you say you lack wells up in your soul and you just love back. Weariness dwells in you eyes and pain quivers on your lips but you push them aside and forget them as best you can.
  You emulate Christ in a way I pray to. It is never forced. The way you love shatters the world's idea of love. You love past beauty, past memory. Now the music is stopped. The lights have gone down and the dance hall is closed, but you have kept dancing. Even when the dance is slow and painful, when it makes your feet bleed. You would never dream of stopping.

Green

 

 

  I have missed it: the color green. Winters in Texas are gray and brown and blue. There is a little green, but it is faded. The remainder of summer's glory. I miss the life-filled green of spring. The green you roll around in and find on the knees of your jeans. The vibrant green that fill your eyes with its beauty but does not wound them with brilliance. Lush and exciting; the green that draws you on an adventure and also puts you to sleep.
  It is still blue and gray and brown here. The naked branches of trees grate against each other but there is no rustle of life between them. Spring is coming though. It pervades the air, borne on the back of the wind. This morning I pulled it deeply into my lungs and felt it in the sun on my skin. The trees are still gray, the grass is still brown, but spring is coming. The breath of the sea is blowing winter away, the new life of spring is coming.

Knocked Back Down to Size

    It is so easy for me to take pride in my physical strength, especially when I consider all the hard work I have had to do to achieve the level of fitness I am at. In preparing to run a 5K every month, I try to run at least the 3.1 miles when I get out to run. Last week, however, I was running four to five miles when I went running. Because I had never run five miles before, my self-confidence escalated very quickly. Then came yesterday's run.

  After three days of the most miserable, cold drizzle my Texan mind can imagine, the clouds blew away. The sky was blue, the sun shining, I was witnessing a perfect winter day. I had every intention of running four miles, but after a single mile I had no motivation to run. After walking forward about fifteen feet I was thoroughly disgusted with myself for stopping so I turned around and made myself run another mile. At the end of my second mile I again lost my motivation. But this time I did not have enough self-disgust to make myself continue running, so I came inside to stretch.

  I thought about my bad run, and thought and thought and thought about it, wondering what on earth was the matter with me. Then it hit me like a rush of cold air slamming into your lungs. I had been relying on myself for strength to run. God had let me glory in the strength He had given me and when I became full of it, He lovingly knocked me back down to size. My body may be capable of some pretty incredible feats, but only because God gave me the ability to do them.

Where I Belong

 

 It is easy to feel comfortable here on planet earth; this spinning ball of blue we call home. And of course it is, this is all we have ever known. Our souls were born into the liquid warmth of our mother's wombs, then nine months later we tumbled into a swirling world of color, cold, and noise which we immediately disdained. We learned to love it though. We came to understand the sensations we experienced through taste and touch and sight and smell and sound. The world ceased to be terrifying. She became our beautiful friend who taught us to love her more everyday. 

  The world is a awful flirt though. This wild, wonderful world really cannot satisfy us. She may tease us with her imagination-defying beauty, but her beauty is finite. This world is not our home. God placed us here as souls trapped in bodies so we can ultimately discover Him. This world is beautiful, but its temporary beauty is nothing compared to the eternal beauty of God and the world where we belong. 

 

   

Little Things

  As a general rule, I pray about the big things in life, the things beyond my grasp. When I encounter a problem I cannot get a handle on I turn it over to God, who was the only one who ever had control in the first place. In my life though, I encounter many small problems I think I can take care of on my own. And I do not pray about them and I do not ask for help, because I am a big girl and I can take care of myself.
  The truth of the matter is I really do not have any control of my life. I would like to think I do, but I do not.
  My little sister's first birthday is coming up, so I decided to make an outfit for her. A couple weeks ago I bought a pattern, but had to set it aside because of another project I was working on. Then yesterday I got time to work on my new project. I ironed the fabric I needed, then I went to get the pattern out. The pattern was gone. I tore my sewing area apart and moved every moveable piece of furniture in my room looking for that little envelope. Then I went and crawled around the living room with my head on the ground looking under the couches and tables, the living room being the last place my mom saw me with the pattern. I searched the entire afternoon, but did not find.
  This morning while I was at the breakfast table, I let out a sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl and said, "Man, I need to find that pattern."
  My mom said, "Well, let's pray that you find it." So Mom, my brothers Caleb and Paul, and I prayed that the pattern would turn up. A few hours later my brothers all came knocking on my door to tell me Paul had found my pattern. I thanked God and Paul and all my brothers who had acted as town-criers then started cutting away.
  As I ran this afternoon, it hit me that it had taken me nearly twenty-four hours to come before God and ask Him to help me find my pattern. When I finally did, He answered my prayer and answered it quickly. I have nothing else to say besides the fact that I am a foolish human and my God is an awesome God.