When I Do Not Want to Love

  The more I study the Bible, the more I see that the church is to be bound by love in Christ. We as Christians are to be different from the world because we love one another unconditionally and forgive the wrongs done to us. The irony I have found is that I personally find Christians are often the hardest people to love and forgive. I should probably be ashamed to say that, but I would rather err on the side of honesty.
  Christ said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all of our being and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Because God has love me infinitely, I cannot help but want to love Him, even if it only be in my broken, human way. Loving people, on the other hand, is not overly appealing. People hurt me. This is where loving unbelievers can be easier then loving believers. Those who are not in Christ do not know what love really is. When I am injured by an unbeliever, it is not hard to shake off the pain. Oh, but when a believer hurts me, that is an offense I find hard to forgive.
  My first thought, even if the offense is unintentional (and it usually is), is, "Why would they do this to me? They are a Christian." Those wounds are the ones that pierce deep and bitter; they burn. I seem to enjoy picking at them, letting them fester into gaping furrows. For some sick reason I do not want them heal, I do not want to have to forgive. I put myself above God's command to love.
  Why do I do that? I am only hurting myself. As a child of God I am loved and forgiven. How can I not love and forgive? So there is the truth, any sweetness perceived in my nature comes from the grace of God alone, not from any goodness in me.