Screaming off the Page

 Psalm 13, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."
  My life is not nearly as terrible as David's. He had actual enemies who were maliciously against him. I do not really have enemies. I just seem to have a tendency to cross people who are after money. When I got my permit several years back, I got in an accident. One of the people involved in the accident made, not one, but two claims because of the accident. Then, one of the people who was involved in the fender-bender I was in last week filed an insurance claim, despite the fact he said he was okay and was the first to leave the scene of the accident.
  Because this individual, who I will refrain from describing lest I say anything particularly unchristian, decided to file a claim, I have had to go through some inconvenient gymnastics. While I am sure they are nothing compared to what the insurance companies have had to do, they have been frustrating, infuriating, whatever adjectives you can possibly think of to describe anger.
  Monday, I found out an insurance claim had been filed and immediately questioned whether or not certain individuals void their humanity by being jerks. Certainly some were made as vessels of wrath, and some people seem to proudly brand themselves as such. But it is not for me to say whether or not a body has voided the grace of God in their lives, and it is certainly not my place to judge because I am equally deserving of the wrath of God.
  All that to say, I spent quite a good deal of time this past week trying to keep unadulterated anger from spilling out of my mouth. There was not love in my body, my mouth, my mind. Every fiber of my being wanted to give into the anger in my veins. Tuesday brought frustration with it as I thought about the situation and how much I hated everything about it. Not dislike, but hate, cruel and cold-blooded. Then came Wednesday. I woke up and my Bible-reading schedule brought me to Psalm 13. As I read, the words came screaming off the page at me. David was not just talking about life being hard, he was talking about my problems exactly. People being jerks and his own ungodly thoughts.
  This is not an entry to excuse my sin because David did it. David did a lot of things I pray the Lord will keep me from doing. But at the end of the day, it is encouraging to know that in spite of all his struggles, David was still a man after God's own heart. And I can be a woman after God's heart by His grace.